The Meet the Mormons screening in New York City on Monday night was a lot of fun. The theater was packed. Everybody seemed to love the movie. I got to wear a new dress. Go see Meet the Mormons in theaters on October 10th! 

MEET THE MORMONS! OCTOBER 10TH! BE THERE! 

In case you missed it…

Did you guys know you can see me on the Daily Rehash YouTube channel every Wednesday? Well you can. 

Sports. Am I right? #holla

Sports. Am I right? #holla

Tags: holla

This week’s episode of Headline Punchline is out! Be sure to watch and remember to leave my name in the comments on Youtube. 

Would you like free tickets to my comedy special?

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Hey friends! 

I will be recording my first comedy special in Salt Lake City two weeks from today. That’s April 1st and no this isn’t an April Fool’s Day Joke. If you’d like tickets to the show, please e-mail me with your name and the number of tickets you’d like.  

Why Salt Lake City? It’s my home state! 

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The show will be at Wiseguys Trolley Square in Salt Lake City, again, on Tuesday, April 1st. Doors open at 7:00 PM and the show will begin promptly at 7:30. 

Keep in mind, the show will be video recorded so there’s a chance the audience could be on camera. Ages 16 and up will be permitted. 

You can e-mail me at ANYTHINGYOUWANT@jennakimjones.com. Seriously, as long as the the e-mail address ends with @jennakimjones.com you can send it to me. For example:

JKJismyfavoritecomedianever@jennakimjones.com

ilovefreetickets@jennakimjones.com

yayforcomedy@jennakimjones.com

Tickets will go fast, so don’t forget to e-mail me ASAP.

Love,

JKJ

Here are the jokes that didn’t make the cut! And remember, please leave my name in the comments on youtube! 

A Belgian soccer team has signed a contract with a 20-month-old boy after seeing a promising video of the toddler kicking a soccer ball. 

  • Wow! Child labor laws in Belgium are crazy.
  • Stage moms everywhere are furiously posting videos of their kids shotting threes, kicking field goals and hitting home runs against their will.
  • MTV liked the team’s strategy and has posted a casting notice for Jersey Shore: the next generation. Is your child prone to temper tantrums? Does he wet the bed? Can’t seem to keep him off the bottle? Visit MTV.com for more information on how to exploit your child.

The extremely popular CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory has been renewed for three more seasons.   

  • CBS, bringing you mediocre comedy for at least three more years.
  • In other horrifying news, Two and Half Men is also still a thing.
  • The fantasy where a nerd can be with a hot blond still sells.  I want to remind all the nerds out there this is still only just a fantasy.

A worker at the Beverly Hilton reportedly found a note left behind by Lindsay Lohan listing over 30 famous people she’s slept with.

  • The list was so impressive Buzzfeed called Lindsay and offered her a job immediately.
  • The list was so long Buzzfeed got an inferiority complex.
  • Lindsay didn’t have any cash on her for a tip so she left the list with her waiter and was like you can sell this. 

A 22-pound-cat in Oregon became hostile and attacked his owners, forcing them to hide in their bedroom before calling 911 to save them. 

  • In response to the story the internet was like, we’ll believe it when we see a video of it.
  • Turns out the cat was a raccoon and those owners are idiots.

A woman eating at popular Manhattan restaurant was surprised when she found a lizard head in her kale salad. 

  • Ew. Kale.

Here’s last week’s episode of Headline Punchline. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out and be sure to leave my name in the comments on youtube. 

Tweets I Never Sent: Taco Bell Breakfast

There is a lot I can say about the Taco Bell breakfast menu. Honestly. I love Taco Bell and I love making jokes about Taco Bell but STOP JUDGING ME I’M NOT OBSESSED. I mean, we’re cool right? So here at the tweets I never sent about Taco Bell’s new breakfast menu. 

  • On the outside, I’m like, meh whatev, it’s just a waffle taco. On the inside I’m like, “YOU DID IT TACO BELL! BLESS YOU! *STARTS SLOW CLAP*”

  • I’m excited about the #TacoBellBreakfast b/c the word beefy isn’t anywhere on the menu. Now I can order without blushing/diarrhea.

  • The word “beefy” isn’t used anywhere on the #TacoBellBreakfast menu. This will make ordering a much less embarrassing experience. 

  • Bet you a waffle taco that the yoga mat ingredient in Subway’s bread is now used in the waffle taco. Taco Bell’s like, Yoga is healthy! We’re healthy!